Squidbillies Wiki

Al-Qaedans are a group of very religious Muslims part of a militant Salafist Islamist multi-national organization called "Al-Qaeda", which wanted to Invade the country of Alabama, the Al-Qaedans are the main antagonists of the 22-minute Squidbillies Special "America: Why I Love Her", their are many Al-Qaedans, while most of them look similar, there is one of the Al-Qaedan's that doesn't look right, he is riding a roller with hook hands & no arms or legs.


During the events of "America: Why I Love Her", when Early & Rusty trust-pass on the Al-Qaedan's Land, Early shoots one of their cows belonging to them when Rusty wanted food to eat, after some conflict with The Sheriff, two Al-Qaedans are seen holding shotguns, Sheriff mentioned to Early how he can steal from the god-fearin' men, the two Al-Qaedans hide their guns, Rusty points to a crescent mono and a star symbol, one of the Al-Qaedans say's "Uh, we're giving the old rugged cross a new spin, It's the new Christianity, It's very cool and modern, you know", Rusty points to a a photo of Osama Bin Laden, the Al-Qaedan say's "No, no, it's uh, Kenny bin loggins -- "Highway to the Danger zone", the other Al-Qaedan's paint the picture blue, the Al-Qaedan say's "So, please have a loaf of our homemade bread, And take your oil-eating beast and be on your way", "For soon, the beds of your", "Creeks will run re-e-e-e-d", "Thank you for coming, and have a nice day", they close the gate, soon Sheriff say's "Sorry If I cast any doubt", "Everything else", scenes of the Al-Qaedan's at their camp, training of their invasion of Alabama, like firing at targets & dealing with their obstacles, soon after Rusty continues to starve & Early repeats the first song he said earlier Nature's Bounty, a Al-Qaedan say's "No, no, no!, wait!, p-please, let us take the hungry, angry, suggestible young man for the afternoon, we are having marshmallow roast", the Al-Qaedan dials his phone, a explosion happens, the next scene shows a car on fire, while three Al-Qaedan's roast marshmallows, Rusty wanted to stay with the Al-Qaedan's, Early told "Whatever", while Early & Sheriff drive in the police car & hold the headless cow that Early previously killed, soon when the two are driving away, Sheriff mentioned that he was glad Rusty got playmates, Sheriff reveals the mirror showing three Al-Qaedan's putting a bag Rusty's head, Sheriff mentioned that the Al-Qaedan's were dangerously older than Rusty.

Armless & Legless Al-Qaedan.jpg

Later Granny & a armless & legless Al-Qaedan on a roller sing the song, "Yellow Cake", Granny sings "My heart is a flutter, I've found me a suiter, A handsome young man is after my cooter. I met him while trolling on Hezbollah hotties, where I posted shots of my hot nubile body, the Al-Qaedan sings "It's for her alone that my lonely heart aches", "if she'll only share me with me her yellow cake...," (Granny & the Al-Qaedan sing a Duet, "Yellow Cake", Granny sings "He wants me to shield my face with a smock", These wardrobe requirements play to my strengths",the Al-Qaedan sings "And I'll take her hand on a yellow cake walk, as long as she stays behind seven arm lengths", the Al-Qaedan with hook arms has a picture of the image Granny posted for him, Granny sings "He said I would know him by his good hooks, the Al-Qaedan sings "My hands were cut off for reading that Da Vinci Code book", Granny sings "And we will swap spit when I life up my veil", The Al-Qaedan lifts off the black sleet, the Al-Qaedan slurps, they both sing "But first we'll conduct", (Duet) this yellow-cake, (Duet, fades out) "sale....", Granny was tossed away, the Al-Qaedan goes to the box, Granny comes back & say's "Well, what do we got ooh, you brought your friend!", the Al-Qaedan say's "O-okay, l-let's keep it above the waist", Granny say's "Oh", the Al-Qaedan say's "Is That Yellowcake?", Granny mentioned she can wait, Granny wanted him & her to get to know each other better, the Al-Qaedan say's "Uh", Granny say's "I understand you come from a large family", the Al-Qaedan mentioned he had 17 wives, he also thinks it is not going to work out, he mentioned that there not clicking, "You know?", said the Al-Qaedan, Granny told him "No!", the Al-Qaedan mentioned he needed his space, Granny said "Come back, sheiky", the Al-Qaedan said he was gay, "I Think, right now", Granny speaks Arabic, saying "I didn't take 8 years of Arabic to give up on you now!", Granny cries, Later Early mentioned she had to knock boots with the Al-Qaedas, Granny mentioned he knew how to treat a lady with disrespect, Later Sheriff mentioned that the Al-Qaedans put yellow stuff all over their land, Sheriff mentioned that they would use to invade Alabama, the yellow stuff was Yellow Cake, according to Deputy Denny, it was created to make a Nuclear bomb after the yellow cake concentrated uranium oxide obtained through the millin' of uranium ore, at the end of the first part, the Al-Qaedan's have a box with the yellow cake in it, the Al-Qaedan that opens the box say's "Brothers, our destiny has arrived, I give you, The Yellowcake!", the yellow is revealed to be a breast cake, it was white, with pink icing, some pieces of icing make off nipples, it say's "Breast Wishes", the cake resembles naked woman Breasts, the Al-Qaedan say's "Do not deair, my brothers, we have a another connection to the yellowcake", Rusty dressed up like them is shown, Rusty reveals he likes cake, Al-Qaedan's look at him, Rusty wanted a rat pelvis from the cake.

In the second part of the special, the Al-Qaedan's continue to train at their camp, after Rusty is seen eating chicken, Rusty said the chicken was made up of liberal media, the Al-Qaedan in front of him say's "Hey, man, you like video games, man?", Rusty said "Oh, all right", the Al-Qaedan say's "It's called "Bejeweled,", eh?, it's a new thing that came out, I like it", the Al-Qaedan pulls out a shotgun, he mentioned it was a joystick, the Al-Qaedan said he can point & click to aim, he uses the shotgun, to shot a armless & Legless Al-Qaedan, he told Rusty "Yeah, shoot me!, just stay away from the crotch area, man, I'm about to get real busy, man", the Al-Qaedan said "Unh-Unh-Unh-Unh-Unh, you don't get the virgins unless you take other with you", the armless & Legless Al-Qaedan say's "Wait!, that's not fair!, you can't change the rules", he passes out by a gunshot, Rusty mentioned it seemed wrong, the Al-Qaedan sits down with Rusty, he say's "Rusty, buddy, come here, you must understand, growing up is all about talking responsibility and claiming it", the Al-Qaedan's start to sing the song "We Did It", it starts by "Would you find it so alarming that we started global warming?, Well we did it, We really hate to brag, but your girlfriends on the rag because we did it., Swine flu was our creation, to eradicate the nation of the Yiddish (That's the Jews), It was us who did it, If your inbox is crammed with increase your penis spam, it was us that did it, When you're walking down the road, and you feel a heavy load, Diarrhea", the same armless & legless Al-Qaedan that got shot repiles "Excuse me,  no... no..., I am not going to take credit for global diarrhea", he is shot & killed by the same Al-Qaedan, the Al-Qaedans continue to sing, "We did it., You must fake it till you make it - so the credit, we will take it., Because you grow up, you must blow up., There's virgins waitin' for you to show up, So douse yourself in gasoline - find a crowd in Nazarene", Rusty told all of them what was the meaning all that "Before you grow up, you must blow up stuff?", the Al-Qaedan say's "Don't listen to the words, just dance to it".

The Al-Qaedans.jpg

Later Sheriff & Early spy on Rusty with the Al-Qaedans kneeling toward Watkinsville, using binoculars, Rusty is revealed to be on drugs, Later after the bomb Rusty had on him explodes while he was tied to a police car, after Early's song "Democracy Wins Again!", a entire group of Al-Qaedans start to come to Early & everyone at the Cuyler House, the song "For This Land" plays, while they come, after the song ends, Five Minutes Later, the Al-Qaedan's give them Three Grand, Early say's "You talkin' all about this land?, "For Three Grand", said by the Drive-By Truckers, Early then said "And you gonna pay me Three Grand", "For Three Grand" said by the Drive-By Truckers again, Early then said "You'll buy it for 3,000?", "Whoo-hoo!, Baby, listen to me Holler!, "For Three Grand" repeated by the Drive-By Truckers, Early say's "Let me shake that hand, and i'll sell you all this land", "For Three Grand", after the song's real ending, the Al-Qaedans come to the giant hole where all the yellow cake is gone, one of them said "Where is the yellow cake?", the armless & legless Al-Qaedans returns & say's "It's gone", after he climbed the hole, a another Al-Qaedan say's "What the hell do with this land", Early sings his God Will Provide song again, Sheriff stops him, Sheriff told them they could always start to invade Alabama, the armless & legless Al-Qaedan say's "We could invade Alabama", a other Al-Qaedan say's "No, no, no, -- no Alabama", the armless & legless Al-Qaedan said he would need a little restroom break, then he will be ready, Early told to be American, the Number one country on Earth, Early tries to sing "Democracy Wins Again!" again however, Sheriff shut him off, Early told Sheriff that being a american is the thing to do, Early mentioned they could help get the immigrants, Sheriff mentioned America is "The land of Opportunity, if it ain't nothin' else", one of say's "Really?", Sheriff then say's "The Possibilities Are End List", the two Al-Qaedans are happy.

Two Al-Qaedans along with armless & legless Al-Qaedan are last seen owning a chicken restaurant called "Ronnie Milsaps Roaster Filet", while at work they try to sell Macadamia-nut brownie to Glenn's wife who walks away not interested, the last line for one of them is "Never Mind".