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Since the very beginning, Early Cuyler has worn different hats in almost every episode, usually representing a feeling he has.

Early

Trucker HatsEdit

This is the complete list of every trucker hat Early has worn throughout the show's history, written in chronological order.

  • "Here's The Beef"
    TooFunkToDrunk

    Too Funk To Drunk

  • "Breathe If You're Horny"
  • "World's Greatest Illegitimate Daddy"
  • May I Help You, My Child? - Seen on a combination pope/trucker hat, when Early still had his job at Mattress Christ.
  • "Groom"
  • "Goal Bandit"
  • "I Love Cock Fighting" - Has the word "Fighting" appearing much smaller than the other three. Seen in School Days, Fool Days.
  • "Free Hat Limit 1"
  • "2005 Prom King"
  • A stylized American Flag with a bald eagle's head superimposed seen in Chalky Trouble
    ILoveCockFighting

    I Heart Cock fighting

  • Four aces drawn such that the ace of diamonds is on top and the rest (clubs, hearts, then spades) are fanned behind it.
  • A squid drawn in the shape of the Pontiac Firebird logo
  • "David Allan CEO Live In Macon" - Worn when Earley became CEO of Dan Halen Industries, a reference to outlaw country singer/songwriter David Allan Coe 
  • "GLUG" - The name of a blindness-inducing alcohol created by Early and brewed by Dan Halen.
  • "Booty Hunter" 
  • "Support Our Troops" - American flag design with a yellow ribbon. After struck by lightning it reads "Support Our oops."
  • "I Love You, Daddy" 
  • "Sonny LIED!!!" - Written on a Confederate battle flag design. A motto from opponents of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, who won office in 2002 partly from a promise to have a "St. Andrews Cross" of the Confederate Battle Flag as a choice on the flag referendum . He adopted a less controversial design based on the more obscure first national flag of the Confederacy.
  • "Tricky Two" - Written on a gold hat underneath a hand making the peace sign.
  • "I ANT WON JAK A LOT FROM THE SQUATTERY THE LOTTERYS SHOULD BE THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE I AYNT JACK SQUATTING A LOT Y THEY SHOULD RENAME THE LOTTERY TO THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE THAT'S ALL I EVER WIN IN IT!!!!!" - Written in pen by Early and presented to Dan Halen as an idea for a novelty hat.
  • "John Beer" - Parody of John Deere with the logo shown as a silhouette of a drunken anthropomorphic deer sprawled out among beer cans.
  • "Swayze Crazy" - Written in red lettering on a pink hat with Patrick Swayze flexing right arm seen on an Adult Swim website ad.
  • A bill connected to a donkey with a (censored) obscene protrusion of a penis that offends everyone including Squid Jesus.
  • "God's Good Buddy" - Written underneath a semi truck with a cross on it driving out of the heavens seen during a Squidbillies bump and Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble.
  • "Remember 9-111 - Irregular"
  • "Do It To It" - Catchphrase of Plumber Bubba in the Bubba Trubba episode.
  • "Damn I'm Good"
  • "Gynaecologist Saturday Nights Only" - In Terminus Trouble, during his trial, Early says he owns this but it's not been seen.
  • "Hooked On Jesus" -An Ichthys caught on a fishing hook.
  • "Hooked on Darwin" - A Darwin fish caught on a fishing hook.
  • "I'm Going Nuckin Futz!!"
  • A larger Ichthys labeled "Truth", eating a smaller Darwin fish with "Dar" undevoured. 
  • A big beast labeled "Science" devouring a smaller beast labeled "Faith" with "ith" still visible.
  • The word "Faith" slaying, with an arrow, a big beast labeled "Science".
  • A spaceship labeled "China" abducting the word "Faith"
  • Two wolves, in a forest at night, with an American flag waving behind the howling wolf while the other sits proudly.
  • "I Support the Flattax Cause I'm FLAT BROKE!"
  • "Taste Daytona!"
  • "Bodywork by Wanda"
  • "Shoot First - Ask Questions NEVER!"
  • "Too Cool For YOU!!"
  • "Damn Bald Eagles - Ft McPherson, GA"
  • "Lifeguard on Booty"
  • "Ice Wind, Ignite & Excite"
  • "David Allan CEO, Live in Action
  • "Jesus Shaves"
  • "My other hat is YO' MOMMA!" - Worn in the season three episode, The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma.
  • "Didn't Ask, Don't Tell!"
  • "Been there, Done That, Got this HAT!!"
  • "got breast milk?" - Parody of the "got milk" slogan
  • "No Habla Jibber Jabber!"
  • "Nifty, Nifty, Look Who's 53!"
  • "Guns don't kill people, I do!" - A bloody target sign replaces the O in do.
  • "Line Dances Do It!! In A Line!"
  • "Born to Die!"
  • "When God takes a DUMP on your head, you just gotta craft it into a Hat!!!"
  • "This Ain't A Hat, It's A Rag Top For A Sex Convertible"
  • "This Hat Contains Minimum 80% Post-Consumer Recycled Hats"
  • "LAUGH SO I CAN SEE 'EM BOUNCE" - O and U in BOUNCE are shaped like a large breast in a bra or bikini top.
  • "These Colors Don't Run!"
  • "LERM!"
  • "Always Remember, June 19th!"
  • "Body for Pleasure, Mind for Sin"
  • "Love it, or Leave it!"
  • "The Fine Ol' Solution" - Early's "good solution" to remove the Mexicans; a parody of the Nazi genocidal 'solution' for the Jews.
  • "VPILF" - Has a picture of Sarah Palin.
  • "Too Funk to Druck"
  • "Here, hold my hat while I have sex with your wife!!!"
  • "You'll get this hat when you pry it from my Cold, Dead Head!
  • "Dougal County Corrections BK4013970061794"
    DavidAllenCEO

    David Allen CEO Live At Macon

  • "Healing Rocks!!!"
  • "Do something with your life, TAKE OFF YOUR TOP!"
  • "Do something with your life, GET AN EDUCATION!"
  • "Cash is King!"
  • "I Love You"
  • "We Accept: I Love You Son."
  • "Baby Rusty", "I didn't kill him and bury the body somewhere."
  • "He's Alive"
  • "Put Your Head Between Your Legs And Kiss Your Ass, Goodbye"
  • "Ignorance is B, L, I, S, S Why Ain't You Smilin'?"
  • "I'm a Long Haired Spreadneck" - Another David Allan Coe reference
  • "Emergency? Dial .357!!!"
  • "Tell your Boobs to stop staring at my eyes!" - Both "O"s in Boobs are replaced with fried eggs
  • "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote"
  • "Vote Yes, Re-legalize Midget Tossing"
  • "Early! Pc Beach '92"
  • "Early! Pc Beach '95"
  • "Early! Pc Beach '01"
  • "I survived, Yuri's Androp-off'!"
  • "I need help making copies!, Ask me how?"
  • "TITS for TOTS!" - Has a hand giving the middle finger.
  • "Get The Party Started"
  • "Honey, I'd suck the fart out of your CAR SEAT!"
  • "T'aint one, T'aint the other!" - Has a design of a starfish winking at a purple cat licking its tail
  • "Warning: If you can read this, you better be sittin' on my FACE!"
  • "I've got a blue chip, If you got a Green back!!!"
  • "SRU, Sheetrock Universe"
  • "SRU, Sheetrock Universe, U of PS just below the state Of Georgia"
  • "I'm Did Asbestos I CAN" - Made entirely out of asbestos and poorly translated from Chinese.
  • "Warning! Do Not Wear This Hat!: I'm did Asbestos I can!!"
  • "Bullying" - This word is crossed out with a red line, meaning no bullying
  • "Slut Rustler"
  • "You gotta rock out with your Jock out, Daytona 86"
  • "The Big E"
  • "3-Peat Offender!!"
  • "If Dar-Wins, we lose" - Platitudes 5:12
  • "There's No Use For A Lawman without lawlessness!!"
  • "I put the FUNK in functional alcoholic!!" 
  • "I pick the hick in "Operating a vehicle while Introx-Hick-ated!!"
  • IMG 20130417 010617

    Nice legs! What time they open?

    "NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME THEY OPEN?"
  • "Who's your GRAND DADDY?!"
  • "I Like To Grab Butts!!"
  • "I'd Rather Be...Financially Secure!!!"
  • "Whiskey While You Work!!" - Parodying the phrase "Whistle while you work."
  • "Granite Caverns"
  • "Your Wish Is Granite"
  • "Gone but not forgotten" - Has a picture of Ga Ga Pee Pap.
  • "Vote Sheriff Fairly Tough!"
  • "Elect Denny - 'Imma Make A Change'"
  • "Less Pod-Castin' More Rod Castin'!!!"
  • "Going digital." - A furry looking creature giving the finger.
  • "Frack it"
  • "Let's get Dougal County back in FRACK!"
  • "God is my co-pilot. The devil is my wingman... Whose flying the plane?!!!"
  • Indian Casino crown, reading "THE ONE-ARMED CHICKASAW"
  • "Guns don't kill people. They only make it easy."
  • "Support Straight Marriage!!!"
  • "Real Men Love Jesus Women!!!"
  • "Hey, Gays! I Won't Be A H8r If You Can Get Str8r!!!"
  • "Hetero Cephalo!!!"
  • "You Can't Fix Stupid If It Don't Broke!!!"
  • "My Other Hat Is Rols Roice"
  • "It's 5 o'clock somewhere but it's 4:20 here!"
  • "I have beer Googles. When I drink, I know everything!" - "Googles" is in the color/icon scheme of Google.
  • "Go Home! America's Full!"
  • "I'll Turn The Other Cheek... So You Can Kiss My Ass!!!"
  • "Granny Sux!!!!!"
  • "If You Don't Roll Coal, Then You Can Kiss My Gas!!!"
  • "Freedom Ain't Free...And We Don't Accept Pesos!!!"
  • "How'D My Worm Get In Your Taco?, "Spring Break Cancun 2007"
  • "Who Needs Hair With A Hat Like This?!!!"
  • "HERITAGE, NOT HATE" - Decal of the Southern flag is seen over this phrase
  • "Divorce is strong with this one" - Mocking the Star Wars quote, "The force is strong with this one."
  • "SLUT NUT"
  • "Did you say something? 'CAUSE I HEARD A TURD!!!"
  • "I Don't Netflix And Chill... I VHS and F**K!!!"
  • "I Was With Stupid, But Now She's Your Problem!!!"
  • "Keep Drunk and Carry Arms" - A pistol and beer bottle are shown above the phrase
  • "I'm A Multitasker! I can watch TV, drink a beer, and bang your wife! ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!"
  • "Hey, Snowflake! Here's Your Trigger Warning!!!" - A gun is seen facing forward, pointing to anyone who reads the saying
  • "FREE Rusty"
  • "I won't get FOILED again! Global Turkquoisse Conspiracy!" - Written on a tin-foil hat
  • "I BELIEVE EVERYTHING" - Has a picture of bigfoot, a UFO, a purple dinosaur and an Illuminati pyramid
  • "Latrine Marine"
  • "I'm still HOT! It just comes in Flashes!"
  • "I enjoy sex with WOMEN because I'm DEFINITELY a MAN!!"
  • "They're Not Hot Flashes, They're POWER SURGES"
  • "I don't lay eggs, I lay womerns!" - A large rooster stands behind the phrase
  • "I Ain't Some WOMEN You Can BOSS AROUND!!!"
  • "LETS F**K!"
  • "Let's just cuddle" - Used when Early "can't get it up"
  • "Cow-a-socky the hillbilly ride." - Graphic of a cow with a saddle and socks on
  • "Dougal + Guatemala 2017"
  • "Sasquatch" - Name of a cooler brand
  • "Blue Lives Matter"
  • "Events by Russel" - Advertising Russel's party business

TriviaEdit

  • The only episode in which Early does not wear a trucker hat, is in the Halloween episode where he is seen first briefly wearing a jack-o-lantern as a hat/costume, and then wearing the forehead of Frankenstein's monster and a banana suit for hunting.
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