Early's Trucker Hats

Since the very beginning, Early Cuyler has worn different hats in almost every episode, usually representing a feeling he has.

Trucker Hats

This is the complete list of every trucker hat Early has worn throughout the show's history, written chronological order.

• "Here's The Beef"

  

  Too Funk To Druck

• "Breathe If You're Horny"
• "World's Greatest Illegitimate Daddy"
• May I Help You, My Child? - Seen on a combination pope/trucker hat, when Early still had his job at Mattress Christ.
• "Groom"
• "Goal Bandit"
• "I Love Cock Fighting" - Has the word "Fighting" appearing much smaller than the other three. Seen in School Days, Fool Days.
• "Free Hat Limit 1"
• "2005 Prom King"
• A stylized American Flag with a bald eagle's head superimposed seen in Chalky Trouble

  

  I Heart Cock fighting

• Four aces drawn such that the ace of diamonds is on top and the rest (clubs, hearts, then spades) are fanned behind it.
• A squid drawn in the shape of the Pontiac Firebird logo
• "David Allan CEO Live In Macon" - Worn when Earley became CEO of Dan Halen Industries, a reference to outlaw country singer/songwriter David Allan Coe 
• "GLUG" - The name of a blindness-inducing alcohol created by Early and brewed by Dan Halen.
• "Booty Hunter" - would become Early's default headwear, as it was seen most often in the show.
• "Support Our Troops" - American flag design with a yellow ribbon. After struck by lightning it reads "Support Our oops."
• "I Love You, Daddy" 
• "Sonny LIED!!!" - Written on a Confederate battle flag design. A motto from opponents of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, who won office in 2002 partly from a promise to have a "St. Andrews Cross" of the Confederate Battle Flag as a choice on the flag referendum . He adopted a less controversial design based on the more obscure first national flag of the Confederacy.
• "Tricky Two" - Written on a gold hat underneath a hand making the peace sign.
• "I ANT WON JAK A LOT FROM THE SQUATTERY THE LOTTERYS SHOULD BE THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE I AYNT JACK SQUATTING A LOT Y THEY SHOULD RENAME THE LOTTERY TO THE JACK SQUATTERY CAUSE THAT'S ALL I EVER WIN IN IT!!!!!" - Written in pen by Early and presented to Dan Halen as an idea for a novelty hat.
• "John Beer" - Parody of John Deere with the logo shown as a silhouette of a drunken anthropomorphic deer sprawled out among beer cans.
• "Swayze Crazy" - Written in red lettering on a pink hat with Patrick Swayze flexing right arm seen on an Adult Swim website ad.
• A bill connected to a donkey with a (censored) obscene protrusion of a penis that offends everyone including Squid Jesus.
• "God's Good Buddy" - Written underneath a semi truck with a cross on it driving out of the heavens seen during a Squidbillies bump and Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble.
• "Remember 9-111 - Irregular"
• "Do It To It" - Catchphrase of Plumber Bubba in the Bubba Trubba episode.
• "Damn I'm Good"
• "Gynaecologist Saturday Nights Only" - In Terminus Trouble, during his trial, Early says he owns this but it's not been seen.
• "Hooked On Jesus" -An Ichthys caught on a fishing hook.
• "Hooked on Darwin" - A Darwin fish caught on a fishing hook.
• "I'm Going Nuckin Futz!!"
• A larger Ichthys labeled "Truth", eating a smaller Darwin fish with "Dar" undevoured. 
• A big beast labeled "Science" devouring a smaller beast labeled "Faith" with "ith" still visible.
• The word "Faith" slaying, with an arrow, a big beast labeled "Science".
• A spaceship labeled "China" abducting the word "Faith"
• Two wolves, in a forest at night, with an American flag waving behind the howling wolf while the other sits proudly.
• "I Support the Flattax Cause I'm FLAT BROKE!"
• "Taste Daytona!"
• "Bodywork by Wanda"
• "Shoot First - Ask Questions NEVER!"

• "Too Cool For YOU!!"
• "Damn Bald Eagles - Ft McPherson, GA"

• "Lifeguard on Booty"
• "Ice Wind, Ignite & Excite"
• "David Allan CEO, Live in Action
• "Jesus Shaves"
• "My other hat is YO' MOMMA!" - Worn in the season three episode, The Appalachian Mud Squid: Darwin's Dilemma.
• "Didn't Ask, Don't Tell!"
• "Been there, Done That, Got this HAT!!"
• "got breast milk?" - Parody of the "got milk" slogan
• "No Habla Jibber Jabber!"
• "Nifty, Nifty, Look Who's 53!"
• "Guns don't kill people, I do!" - A bloody target sign replaces the O in do.
• "Line Dances Do It!! In A Line!"
• "Born to Die!"
• "When God takes a DUMP on your head, you just gotta craft it into a Hat!!!"
• "This Ain't A Hat, It's A Rag Top For A Sex Convertible"
• "This Hat Contains Minimum 80% Post-Consumer Recycled Hats"
• "LAUGH SO I CAN SEE 'EM BOUNCE" - O and U in BOUNCE are shaped like a large breast in a bra or bikini top.
• "These Colors Don't Run!"
• "LERM!"
• "Always Remember, June 19th!"
• "Body for Pleasure, Mind for Sin"
• "Love it, or Leave it!"
• "The Fine Ol' Solution" - Early's "good solution" to remove the Mexicans; a parody of the Nazi genocidal 'solution' for the Jews.
• "VPILF" - Has a picture of Sarah Palin.
• "Too Funk to Druck"
• "Hold my hat while I have sex with your wife!!!"
• "You'll get this hat when you pry it from my Cold, Dead Head!
• "Dougal County Corrections BK4013970061794"

  

  David Allen CEO Live At Macon

• "Healing Rocks!!!"
• "Do something with your life, TAKE OFF YOUR TOP!"
• "Do something with your life, GET AN EDUCATION!"
• "Cash is King!"
• "I Love You"
• "We Accept: I Love You Son."
• "Baby Rusty", "I didn't kill him and bury the body somewhere."
• "He's Alive"
• "Put Your Head Between Your Legs And Kiss Your Ass, Goodbye"
• "Ignorance is B, L, I, S, S Why Ain't You Smilin'?"
• "I'm a Long Haired Spreadneck" - Another David Allan Coe reference
• "Emergency? Dial .357!!!"
• "Tell your Boobs to stop staring at my eyes!" - Both "O"s in Boobs are replaced with fried eggs
• "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote"
• "Vote Yes, Re-legalize Midget Tossing"
• "Early! Pc Beach '92"
• "Early! Pc Beach '95"
• "Early! Pc Beach '01"
• "I survived, Yuri's Androp-off'!"
• "I need help making copies!, Ask me how?"
• "TITS for TOTS!" - Has a hand giving the middle finger.
• "Get The Party Started"
• "Honey, I'd suck the fart out of your CAR SEAT!"
• "T'aint one, T'aint the other!" - Has a design of a starfish winking at a purple cat licking its tail
• "Warning: If you can read this, you better be sittin' on my FACE!"
• "I've got a blue chip, If you got a Green back!!!"
• "SRU, Sheetrock Universe"
• "SRU, Sheetrock Universe, U of PS just below the state Of Georgia"
• "I'm Did Asbestos I CAN" - Made entirely out of asbestos and poorly translated from Chinese.
• "Warning! Do Not Wear This Hat!: I'm did Asbestos I can!!"
• "Bullying" - This word is crossed out with a red line, meaning no bullying
• "Slut Rustler"
• "You gotta rock out with your Jock out, Daytona 86"

• "The Big E"
• "3-Peat Offender!!"
• "If Dar-Wins, we lose" - Platitudes 5:12
• "There's No Use For A Lawman without lawlessness!!"
• "I put the FUNK in functional alcoholic!!" 
• "I pick the hick in "Operating a vehicle while Introx-Hick-ated!!"

• 

  Nice legs! What time they open?

  "NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME THEY OPEN?"
• "Who's your GRAND DADDY?!"
• "I Like To Grab Butts!!"
• "I'd Rather Be...Financially Secure!!!"
• "Whiskey While You Work!!" - Parodying the phrase "Whistle while you work."
• "Granite Caverns"
• "Your Wish Is Granite"
• "Gone but not forgotten" - Has a picture of Ga Ga Pee Pap.
• "Vote Sheriff Fairly Tough!"
• "Elect Denny - 'Imma Make A Change'"
• "Less Pod-Castin' More Rod Castin'!!!"
• "Going digital." - A furry looking creature giving the finger.
• "Frack it"
• "Let's get Dougal County back in FRACK!"
• "God is my co-pilot. The devil is my wingman... Whose flying the plane?!!!"
• Indian Casino crown, reading "THE ONE-ARMED CHICKASAW"
• "Guns don't kill people. They only make it easy."
• "Support Straight Marriage!!!"
• "Real Men Love Jesus Women!!!"
• "Hey, Gays! I Won't Be A H8r If You Can Get Str8r!!!"
• "Hetero Cephalo!!!"
• "You Can't Fix Stupid If It Don't Broke!!!"
• "My Other Hat Is Rols Roice"
• "It's 5 o'clock somewhere but it's 4:20 here!"
• "I have beer Googles. When I drink, I know everything!" - "Googles" is in the color/icon scheme of Google.
• "Go Home! America's Full!"
• "I'll Turn The Other Cheek... So You Can Kiss My Ass!!!"
• "Granny Sux!!!!!"
• "If You Don't Roll Coal, Then You Can Kiss My Gas!!!"
• "Freedom Ain't Free...And We Don't Accept Pesos!!!"
• "How'D My Worm Get In Your Taco?, "Spring Break Cancun 2007"
• "Who Needs Hair With A Hat Like This?!!!"
• "HERITAGE, NOT HATE" - Decal of the Southern flag is seen over this phrase
• "Divorce is strong with this one" - Mocking the Star Wars quote, "The force is strong with this one."
• "SLUT NUT"
• "Did you say something? 'CAUSE I HEARD A TURD!!!"
• "I Don't Netflix And Chill... I VHS and F**K!!!"
• "I Was With Stupid, But Now She's Your Problem!!!"
• "Keep Drunk and Carry Arms" - A pistol and beer bottle are shown above the phrase
• "I'm A Multitasker! I can watch TV, drink a beer, and bang your wife! ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!"
• "Hey, Snowflake! Here's Your Trigger Warning!!!" - A gun is seen facing forward, pointing to anyone who reads the saying
• "FREE Rusty"
• "Grab Deez Nutz And Guzzle Up!"
• "I won't get FOILED again! Global Turkquoisse Conspiracy!" - Written on a tin-foil hat
• "I BELIEVE EVERYTHING" - Has a picture of bigfoot, a UFO, a purple dinosaur and an Illuminati pyramid
• "Latrine Marine"
• "I'm still HOT! It just comes in Flashes!"
• "I enjoy sex with WOMEN because I'm DEFINITELY a MAN!!"
• "They're Not Hot Flashes, They're POWER SURGES"
• "I don't lay eggs, I lay womerns!" - A large rooster stands behind the phrase
• "Don't talk down to me! I ain't no WOMAN You Can BOSS AROUND!!!"
• "LETS F**K!"
• "Let's just cuddle" - Used when Early "can't get it up"
• "Cow-a-socky the hillbilly ride." - Graphic of a cow with a saddle and socks on
• "Dougal + Guatemala 2017"
• "Sasquatch" - Name of a cooler brand
• "Blue Lives Matter"
• "Events by Russel" - Advertising Russel's party business
• "Hooty Hunter" - In reference to Early's "Booty Hunter" hat, appearing in "Ol' Hootie."
• "Swag", mistaken as "GWAGs" backwards by Early.
• "It's all about, That bass!!"
• "I'm off my Walker!!!"
• "Like Like, Good Head"
• "Free Hat Day"
• "Itch, Please"

Trivia

• The only episode in which Early does not wear a hat is "The Tiniest Princess", wherein he is seen first briefly wearing a jack-o-lantern as a hat/costume, and then wearing the forehead of Frankenstein's monster and a banana suit for hunting.
• In the episode "The Liceman Cometh", it is revealed that all of Early's trucker hats are located in an underground location, hidden beneath a stove in the Cuyler House. To access it Early must flip the switch for the stove to beep and open a hole to the entrance to this location. Yellow vehicles are also used to pick out any of these hats.

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