Krystal

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Krystal Cuyler
Mama,
Full Name	Krystal Cuyler
Birthday	July 8, 1963 - December 3, 2017 (Aged 54) (Deceased)
Location	Dougal County Junkyard
Role	Mother of Rusty and Tammi
First Appearance	This Show Is Called Squidbillies
Voice Actor	Mary Kraft
Species	Human
Hair Color	Blonde
Occupation	"First Outdoor Shut-in" Landmark
Family	Amber Jean (Siamese twin) Rusty Cuyler (son) Tammi (daughter) Early Cuyler (ex-husband) Dr. Bug (former brother-in-law) Durwood Cuyler (former brother-in-law) Lil Cuyler (Former sister-in-law) Granny Cuyler (Former Grandmother -in-law) Ga Ga Pee Pap Cuyler (Former grandfather-in-law deceased) Galvin (Former uncle-in-law) Boyd (Former Father-in-law) an Unnamed Former Mother-in-Law Dr. Cock (adoptive former uncle-in-law) Leroy (adoptive former uncle-in-law) Jackie Chu Cuyler (Former Pet Cow) unnamed cousin (cousin) Boyd's Cousin (first cousin) Shannon Cuyler (former-brother in law, (deceased) Snakeman (Ex-husband) Rusty and Tammi's children (grandchildren) Unnmaed Cousins Krystal's mother (Mother) Krystal's father (father; deceased) Krystal's brothers and sisters (siblings) Mario Cuyler (brother in law) Rosalina Cuyler (sister in-Law) Krystal's grandfather (Grandfather) Krystal's grandmother (grandmother) Krystal's sister (younger sister) Krystal's Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Snakeman Cuyler Jr. (Son) Krystal's Great-great-great-great-grandfather Krystal's brother Great-Grandpa Gurney (great-grandfather; deceased) Great-Great-Grandpa Gurney (Great-Great-Great-grandfather deceased)

Krystal Cuyler (née Gurney) is the mother of Rusty Cuyler and the ex-wife of Early Cuyler, a morbidly obese Caucasian woman who lives her life lying on a filthy junkyard mattress, where she had been deemed a local landmark as "Georgia's first outdoor shut-in" and given "squatter's rights" to the location. She spends most of her time drinking from a re-usable oversized "Sip" convenience store cup and scratching lottery tickets. She has an extremely low and long-winded voice, speaking in a perpetual slur.

She also has a tramp stamp, a "tribute to our fallen heroes of 9/11", which the tattoo artist confused as being a tribute to the band 311. After being informed of the permanent mistake, she displayed ambivalence apropos of the character. In "Keeping it in the Family Way", she is revealed to be the mother of Rusty's human girlfriend Tammi. In "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D", she becomes a grandmother to Rusty and Tammi's inbred son Macho-Man Randy Cuyler.

Krystal is voiced by Mary Kraft.

History

Krystal is the town whore of Dougal County, Georgia with almost everyone in town having had at least one sexual experience with Krystal, such as Snakeman, Dr. Bug and a Mexican, also including the series' main character Early Cuyler. Her dalliance with Early led to the birth of their illegitimate son Rusty Cuyler.

She is often used as a target for Early's sexual assaults, however they often result in little success. Despite the fact that Krystal is morbidly obese, she is very rarely seen eating, but always has her "Sip" cup with her. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early. She had a Siamese-twin (who had apparently become trapped in Krystal's fat folds) named Amber Jean (making her Rusty's aunt), but she had her removed (Amber Jean is most likely dead, as Dr. Cock used a katana to separate the two women) in the episode "Krystal, Light."

Her cousin was revealed in "The Many Loves of Early Cuyler."

In "Keeping It in the Family Way", Rusty discovers that Krystal is also mother to his girlfriend Tammi. They mistakenly believe themselves to be cousins, although they are actually half-brother and sister.

Krystal is shown to be working at Ballmart in a couple episodes, starting with "Ballmart", and she often sells products that contain free samples such as shrimp and Butter Bomb Jalapeno Popperit Blasters.

In "There's Sucker Porn Every Minute", she is involved with a porno-shoot with Early at a Motel, where he exposes his beak to her for the whole world to see. The motel was also used to film her farting on cakes.

Appearances

• "This Show is Called Squidbillies" (Debut)
• "Chalky Trouble"
• "Family Trouble"
• "Office Politics Trouble"
• "Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble"
• "Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust"
• "Burned and Reburned Again"
• "Rebel with a Claus"
• "Tween Steam"
• "Wing Nut"
• "Sharif"
• "Armageddon It On!"
• "The Okaleechee Dam Jam"
• "Krystal, Light"
• "The Liar, the Bitch and the Bored Rube"
• "Anabolic-holic"
• "Atone Deaf"
• "God’s Bro"
• "The Many Loves of Early Cuyler"
• "Holodeck Redneck"
• "America: Why I Love Her"
• "Class of '86"
• "The Big E"
• "Keeping It in the Family Way"
• "Ballmart"
• "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D"
• "Green and Sober"
• "A Jailhouse Divided"
• "Stop, Jammer Time"
• "Thou Shale Not Drill"
• "Hetero-Cephalo Agenda"
• "Taint Misbehavin'"
• "Bunker Down, You Hairy Dawg!" (Cameo)
• "Southern Pride and Prejudice"
• "Greener Pastor"
• "Thanks-Taking"
• "Duel of the Dimwits" (Death)
• "The War on The War on Christmas"
• "Forever Autumn"
• "Muscadine Wine"
• "There's Sucker Porn Every Minute"
• "Events by Russell"
• "One Man Banned"
• "Zen and the Art of Truck-Boat-Truck Maintenance"
• "The Liceman Cometh" (Last-Speaking Appearance)
• "This Show Was Called Squidbillies" (Last Appearance) (Cameo)

Trivia

• It's currently unknown how Krystal moves around place to place, as in many episodes she is often seen many places like at The Stadium, The VFW, on the streets of Dougal County or at a cruise.
• In the pilot episode, Krystal has a man trapped in her body, holding a lighter, this man is never seen ever again.
• In "Class of '86", Krystal was revealed to go to school when she was younger, and she also resembles her same body shape.
• The episode "Thanks-Taking", is the only episode that has shown Krystal's breasts but they are blurred out.
• Season 11 is the season with the fewest appearances of Krystal that she has had in the series. She only appeared in one episode, the Christmas special, "The War on The War on Christmas".
• Krystal has been seen in a bikini many times before, such as in the episodes, "Anabolic-holic", "Forever Autumn", "Muscadine Wine" and "There's Sucker Porn Every Minute".
  • She also didn't wear any clothes in "Events by Russell" during the gravy wrestling event.

Episode Galleries

"This Show Is Called Squidbillies"

Man inside Krystal's body.

Rusty as a fetus inside Krystal's body.

"Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust"

"Burned and Reburned Again"

"Rebel with a Claus"

"Tween Steam"

"Sharif"

"Armageddon It On!"

"Krystal, Light"

"The Liar, the Bitch and the Bored Rube"

"Anabolic-holic"

"Ballmart"

"Green and Sober"

"Southern Pride and Prejudice"

"Thanks-Taking"

"The War on The War on Christmas"

"Muscadine Wine"

"There's Sucker Porn Every Minute"

"Events by Russell"

"One Man Banned"

"Zen and the Art of Truck-Boat-Truck Maintenance"

"The Liceman Cometh"

"This Show Was Called Squidbillies"