|At last. Street cred is mine!!
Krystal is the mother of Rusty Cuyler and the ex-wife of Early Cuyler, a morbidly obese Caucasian woman who lives her life lying on a filthy junkyard mattress, where she had been deemed a local landmark as "Georgia's first outdoor shut-in" and given "squatter's rights" to the location. She spends most of her time drinking from a re-usable oversized "Sip" convenience store cup and scratching lottery tickets. She has an extremely low and long-winded voice, speaking in a perpetual slur. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early. She had a Siamese-twin (who had apparently become trapped in Krystal's fat folds) named Amber Jean (making her Rusty's aunt), but she had her removed (and possibly killed, as the doctor used a katana) in "Krystal, Light". She also has a tramp stamp, a "tribute to our fallen heroes of 9/11", which the tattoo artist confused as being a tribute to the band 311. After being informed of the permanent mistake, she displayed ambivalence apropos of the character. In "Keeping it in the Family Way", she is revealed to be the mother of Rusty's human girlfriend Tammi. In "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D", she becomes a grandmother of Rusty and Tammi's inbred son Macho-Man Randy Cuyler.
Krystal voiced by Mary Kraft.
History[edit | edit source]
Krystal is the town whore of Dougal County, Georgia with almost everyone in town having had at least one sexual experience with Krystal, such as Snakeman, Dr. Bug & a Mexican, also including the series' main character Early Cuyler. This led to the birth of their illegitimate son Rusty Cuyler. She is often used as a target for Early's sexual assaults, however they often result in little success. Despite the fact that Krystal is morbidly obese, she is very rarely seen eating, but always has her "Sip" cup with her. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early. She had a Siamese-twin (who had apparently become trapped in Krystal's fat folds) named Amber Jean (making her Rusty's aunt), but she had her removed (and possibly died as the doctor used a katana) in Krystal, Light.
In "Keeping It in the Family Way", she is revealed to be the mother of Tammi, Rusty discovered it.
Appearances[edit | edit source]
- "This Show is Called Squidbillies" (Debut)
- "Chalky Trouble"
- "Family Trouble"
- "Office Politics Trouble"
- "Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble"
- "Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust"
- "Burned and Reburned Again"
- "Rebel with a Claus"
- "Tween Steam"
- "Wing Nut"
- "Armageddon It On!"
- "The Okaleechee Dam Jam"
- "Krystal, Light"
- "The Liar, the Bitch and the Bored Rube"
- "Atone Deaf"
- "God’s Bro"
- "The Many Loves of Early Cuyler"
- "Holodeck Redneck"
- "America: Why I Love Her"
- "Class of '86"
- "The Big E"
- "Keeping It in the Family Way"
- "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D"
- "Green and Sober"
- "A Jailhouse Divided"
- "Stop, Jammer Time"
- "Thou Shale Not Drill"
- "Hetero-Cephalo Agenda"
- "Taint Misbehavin'"
- "Bunker Down, You Hairy Dawg!" (Cameo)
- "Southern Pride and Prejudice"
- "Greener Pastor"
- "The War on The War on Christmas"
- "Forever Autumn"
- "Muscadine Wine"
- "There's Sucker Porn Every Minute"
- "Events by Russell" (Latest Appearance)
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- It's unknown how Krystal moves around place to place, as in many episodes she is often seen many places like at The Stadium, The VFW, on the streets of Dougal County or at a cruise.
- In "Class of '86", Krystal was revealed to go to school when she was younger, oddly enough she resembles her same body shape.
- The episode "Thanks-Taking", revealed her big breasts to be blurred out, this is the only times this is seen.
- Season 11 is the lowest amount of appearances she has had in the series, as she only appeared in one episode, the Christmas special, "The War on The War on Christmas".
- Krystal has been seen in a bikini many times, like in the episodes, "Anabolic-holic", "Forever Autumn", "Muscadine Wine" & "There's Sucker Porn Every Minute", she also didn't wear any clothes in "Events by Russell" during the Gravy Wrestling.