Lawyer is a minor character in Squidbillies.
Description[]
Lawyer is a female lawyer with blonde hair that works as a lawyer, she meets with up Early and Granny about Russell "Rusty" Cuyler's trial, her only appearance is in the Season 11 premiere episode "Dove In An Iron Cage".
The Lawyer first appears in the Cuyler House, and she say's "We have a very tight window here to stay the execution, but I've read the court documents, and this has been a gross miscarriage of justice", Early say's "That's right, If Rusty woulda been a misscarriage, this woulda never happened, I told his momma, I'd pay for the miscarriage, be she want and got all religious and everything".
The lawyer then say's "Right, well, I think it's important to show the jury that Rusty is poor, uneducated, disadvantaged" but Early responds with "Poor and disadvantaged? ain't a jury in hell gonna buy that look at this gray market iWatch I'm wearing, does this look like this timepiece of a damn idiot?" the lawyer replies with "That's a lollipop stuck to your wrist, sir, see the white stick and the candy?", Early then say's "Well, no wonder it don't never get my step count right", Granny then say's "Sounds like you just come down here from the big city to tear us down", Early say's "My son already got himself a fully quanfintized attorney me".
Granny responds with "Yeah, me, too, I was co-counsel on this", the lawyer then said "No offensive, but you represented your son on first-degree murder charges and you have a second-grade reading level", the lawyer then walks out to the door, she then say's "I hope your governor will take these factors into consideration because we are running out of time, Oh and wear the lollipop, It'll help us defame your character."
Appearances[]
- "Dove In An Iron Cage" (Only Appearance)