Squid Jesus is a minor character in Squidbillies. He is the holy figure of Christianity who appears before Granny Cuyler in the form of squid, and is worshipped by some characters in the series, such as Early. In early episodes, it appeared he was a hallucination of Granny's senility rather than an actual character. However, he is real and in "Velvet Messiah", a montage of some of his appearances to Granny is shown along with a scene where God asks why he even appeared to her in the first place. Jesus answers "She snapped a hip...!" and God says "You know they don't have bones." Jesus, who is currently in squid form, answers "I know that now!"
Since he based on the real Jesus Christ, Squid Jesus is very well mannered, and kind squid from Heaven but often is offended, or annoyed by Early, and Granny's antics in most of his appearances such as in episodes such as "S4E5", "S5E2", and "S2E5". In the latter episode, he is annoyed by Early, who is tied up to a beer statue ad, talking about him so much, and tells him that he is breaking up with him, and told him that his giant foam donkey erection dickhat, he wore in church, was offensive to the lord, but saved him from the church's speaker felling down on him. He tells Early to stop talking to him, and rain party liquor for him. He has his own standards as seen in "S3E14", where he can only let over 4,400 people in Heaven during the rapture, leaving Sheriff behind, and told him to hang outside with a large group of babies that can't get in because they weren't baptized, their policy wouldn't allow it until Monday. He prevented Granny from ascending to Heaven in "S5E6".
Powers, and Abilities
Squid Jesus has a few powers, and abilities seen in the show such as magically appearing into thin air. In "S235", he magically burns a small shrub, and uses his powers to rain party liquor from the sky for Early. In "S4E4", he revived a dead opossum from the death.
- "Chalky Trouble" (Debut)
- "Giant Foam Dickhat Trouble"
- "Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust"
- "Survival of the Dumbest"
- "Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto Is 'Wisdom, Justice and Moderation"
- "Armageddon It On!"
- "Confessions of a Gangrenous Mind"
- "The Many Loves of Early Cuyler"
- "Frivolacious Squidigation"
- "America: Why I Love Her"
- "Velvet Messiah" (Last Appearance)
- Squid Jesus disappears completely halfway through the show with no explanation.