Tance Jackerman is another real life person in the world of Squidbillies, as he appears as a character only in the episode "The Squid Stays in the Picture", he a celebrity of a unknown movie being filmed.
History[]
He first appeared in that episode, while, Early & Rusty were at the movie set with the Sheriff, Tance comes to them, his first lines are "Excuse Me, Guys", Rusty tells Early that is Tance Jackerman, Rusty mentioned he saw him on TV, Tance say's "You know, you remind me a lot of Bubba Brisocoe, it's the character I play in this film, he's a ne'er-do-well black sheep of the family, but he does what it takes the provide for his kin", Early told he didn't know briscoe, he mentioned if I was from Lumpkin, Tance said he was fictional & make believe, Early mentioned Lumpkin was real, one town over, Early said don't you try or trick him.
Tance said "What do you going on for tonight?", Early mentioned he had a pretty damn busy evening, he said he got to inhale a gallon of mineral spirits, then he whittle on a stick, Tance said "Would you Mind If I just hang out?, you know, shadow you?", Early mentioned it was a kind of weird-ass Hollywood sex thing, Tance mentioned "Oh, no, no, no, I just want to see what makes you tick", Rusty showed him a big as a nickel sized deer tick on his taint, Early wanted Tance to see his ticks not Rusties, Tance mentioned "Of course, you'll be paid handsomely for your time", Early told Rusty he lived here now, Early told Tance, he called a southern Man, Early walks away, Tance walks away with Early saying "Let's "Geet" Whoo!".
At the Cuyler House, Tance sitting at a table with Early, Tance say's "Yull", Early told "Y'all, Tance said "Yull" again, Early told "Y'all again, Tance said "Ye'rll", Early said "All", Tance said "Y'argll", Early told to put a R in, Tance said "Yam?, Yamens?", Early didn't know what Tance got that from, Tance say's "Man!, It's harder than it sounds", Early told him "No, No, No", Early told Tance to repeat after him, he told Tance "Y'all fixin' to tie a whoopin' on junior an' them", Tance mentioned "You're all fixing to tie a whooping on junior and them", Early told him "Junior 'N them", "Damn It", "It's one word", "Junior 'N them!", "don't break it up like a nerd", Tance tells Early "Hold on, let me, me, me, me, mi, mi, mi, mo, mo, mo", Early told to stop praying to his jew gods, Early told him to put it in his mind and he will never forget it.
Early wanted him to say "Say Y'all", when he wanted to call on all, Tance say's "Say y'all when you want to call on all!", Early told him he was getting it, Tance sings & say's "Say y'all when you want to call on all!", Early said "There you go!", next Early told him to say "When Your mixin' with a vixen", to a girl at The Jiggle Hut, he say's "I'm fixin' to be mixin' with a vixen!", Early told Tance he would be best by fixin' to get his licks on, Early punches him, Early told him that he will learn his Diction, he goes up to the girl singing, Tance gets up & say's "He is fixin' to put his dicks into my vixen!", Early gets excited to celebrate with him.
Early & Tance drink beer together, Tance said "Wow!, you make that look easy", Early told him to try, Tance said "All right", before he could grab the beer, Early rejects him & told him that he lost his mind, Early said it was his beer & he mentioned he shotgun one of his yourn, Tance mentioned "Okay, okay, I guess we'll go buy some beer for me", Early told him that wasn't how he ain't did a beer run, however the next scene shows him with Early how to do a beer run is rob Boyd, Tance say's "All y'all fixin' to go down on the floor!".
Early told him that wasn't talkin' to one person, Early told him Boyd was a damn individual & he got a name, Boyd, however Boyd thanked him but Early beat him, let him shut his mouth, Early told him to fetch the beer while he would beat Boyd's brains, Tance say's "How about a hefeweizen or a cherry wheat?", Early broke the beer & told him to get the good stuff, like the tall cans, The Police come by the sounds of sirens, Tance say's "Oh Police, should we strip down to the waist and try to fistfight them or..., Early?" "Hello", Early falls asleep, Boyd old Tance, he would usually about the time he would pass out during this procedure, Boyd grabs money & tells to get a photo with him, Tance let him & told him "Yeah, sure, guy, without fans, I wouldn't have a job!", he laughed, he say's "Well, I'd probably have a job", Sheriff opens the door, Sheriff mentioned if Early was asleep yet.
In the next scene, Sheriff locks up Early & Tance, Early tells about Tance Jackerman to the Sheriff, he wanted both of them to get out, Sheriff knows who Tance is, Sheriff mentioned he is trying to be cool, Sheriff also mentioned they don't like when Early treat them like he is famous, Tance Jackerman mentioned "That's right, just treat me like any other common white-trash lowlife like him, Sheriff mentioned "Well, ad lonasg I've got you in there, let me pitch me you an idea for a screenplay, don't sell this now, you hear?", Tance mentioned he was just an actor, Sheriff mentioned he know the movies where the guy gets conked on the gets on the head and he kinds of switches identity of his kid, Tance mentioned he did two of them, Sheriff mentioned his movies is kind of like it, the guy switches places with a moose.
Sheriff called it "Loose Change", Tance told Sheriff to called it "Moose Change", Sheriff say's "Moose Change" "Hot damn!, how'd I miss that?, Tance Jackerman, in my cell, writing a movie with me!", Tance say's "You know what?", "I think I've got this whole jail thing, why don't you go ahead and let me out?", Early also told himself to be out because he was the consulting producer of the project, Sheriff mentioned he is arm robbery, Tance tell he was a good cop, he told sheriff that he may need someone a cop in a scene where a certain monster eviscerates a bunch of cops, Sheriff think he could play a policeman, Sheriff lets him & Early out of his prison cell.
Later at night, Early told Tance to smell Paint thinner long & hard, because he told him that space Jesus will comes down & tells him to punch, Tance say's "I ain't frixin' to do that Early", (chuckles), "I have a personal - training session in a couple of hours, let's meet at my trailer at 7:30 for Breakfast, we'll "Chew some fat", (Chcukles) "here is five hundred bucks for the day", "Thanks bro", Early told him "Whoa now, just cause' you pay me doesn't mean you can lay me", Tance told Early he could use it & turns on his car & drives off.
Later Tance is seen with a woman, while Early & Granny traveled to him, Tance say's "Where the hell, were you", Early told he was being himself, for two days straight, Early mentioned it wasn't his fault he didn't show up for work, Tance mentioned he was counting on him to become a undependable black sheep from the wrong side of the tracks, but he can't even make it to a basic call time, Early mentioned he heared him, Early told him he needed today's money now he can get back now two days ago money, so his tickets to his monies, Tance gives him two hundred dollars, Tance mentioned he & Early were done, he walks in his trailer, soon Early complains & tries to enter his trailer while security guards grab him, at one point, he is reading a book in his trailer, while outisde Early complains to him while security grabs him, Granny also talks to him, Tance Jackerman covers the window.
Tance Jackerman was last seen in video footage from the movie he started, in the footage, he is at the Cuyler house, He say's "I been fixing to live on this river all my cotton-picking life", (Inhales Deeply), "If yourl stand in my way, yourl gonna get what's coming to your'l", Sheriff mentioned it was hard to believe he was British, Sheriff fast forwards the tape.
Appearances[]
- "The Squid Stays in the Picture" (Only Appearance
Gallery[]
